Resolutions
by r-nica
Summary: -ONE-SHOT- It's a tradition to write a list of resolutions for New Year to signify the start of new life. But sometimes, resolutions also mean the end of important things. /KxHxT/


**DISCLAIMER:** The only thing I own here is the idea for the fic.

**Belated Merry Christmas, everyone! I was planning to write a Christmas fic or two (KaiHir aka KaiHil, of course) but due to time constraint I failed to. Besides, I couldn't even feel the festive spirit of Christmas for some reason. So to compensate, I made a last minute New Year fic which turned out to be very rushed, not that editted, not as descriptive as my more decent fics and have a semi-cliffy ending. I'll edit it when I have the chance. Please don't throw tomatoes or other vegetables at me; I have more than enough inside my ref.**

**Sorry if Kai sounds like a bastard here. This is supposed to be a love triangle.**

**My first fanfic of the year. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

RESOLUTIONS

* * *

She knew he wasn't there. 

She knew Kai would not show up to celebrate the New Year's Eve with the team.

Why would he?

Did he even make a list of resolutions? She was sure he didn't. She was sure he wouldn't have even bothered trying to. He wasn't the type to do that.

It shouldn't matter to her. At the end of this year, nothing was supposed to matter anymore.

She knew she should no longer be inside this bathroom of the Kinomiya residence. Instead she should be feeling the rush of excitement that usually pumped her to literally greet the new year and celebrate it with the guys. She shouldn't be holding her mother's bottle of…

"Hiromi, are you in there?" Someone was knocking at the door. Correction, someone _loud_ was knocking at the door.

She froze. Had she raised the suspicion of anyone? She couldn't afford to; she may never get another chance.

"Oi, Hiromi! Now I know it's you! Only you would hog my bathroom this long! Are you done already?"

Takao, always the noisy one. Always the nosy one.

"If you're taking your time there, you'll miss the fireworks! Jiichan had already set the stuff! Come on, the new year's almost here!"

Yet she envied his carefree lifestyle. He always rose from his fall. He always found the strength to go on. He didn't have her life, her heart. With numb hands, string of words in scrawled characters sprang right into her vision.

_-I will not be late for school. At most once a week. _

_-I will not forget my books. _

_-I will practice kendo. Well, at least when Jiichan's around to make it seem that way._

_-I will clean my room everyday. Wait, have I gone insane already? Make it every Saturday._

_-I will not sleep during class._

_-I will give Kyouju more credit for his help to the team. What would I give for a free upgrade and beyblade repair._

_-I will not let Hiromi order me around even though Keiko-sensei is just around. No, ESPECIALLY when Keiko-sensei is around. _

_-I will not let Hiromi get to me. _

_-I will calm my heart down whenever she is REALLY close to me. _

_-I will ask her what's wrong every time she looks like she's down._

_-I will not push her to tell me anything no matter how much she insists nothing's wrong. _

_-I will try to no longer hate myself for not being able to do anything to help her. _

_-I will not get my hopes up whenever she looks grateful at me. _

"And I know you took my list of resolutions because I saw you! Now give it back to me! That's invasion of privacy!"

She knew he would come looking for his list. She hadn't planned on taking it; it just happened on a whim. Perhaps because a part of her knew it was just a simple list with simple changes for a simple boy with a simple life. But hers was nothing like that anymore.

Kai.

In her eyes, he had already gone past being a mere friend and comrade.

She had tried. She had tried to embrace him as a sister would to her sibling instead.

But it never worked. Denying to herself whatever deep-seated sensitive feelings she harbor for him was one of the things most impossible for her.

Hard knocking at the door this time. "What's going on there?" Pounding. "Hiromi, why are you not answering? Oi, Hiromi!"

There was no time left. Pouring the contents of the bottle onto her other hand, she took as many as she could. And swallowed, remembering her own list sticking out of the pocket of her skirt.

She never should have made that list. It was a waste of time after all. She never followed the others before, and she wasn't to follow this one now.

* * *

He couldn't believe she would do this. 

When she didn't answer for quite a long time, he had been most annoyed. He had also needed the bathroom for relieving purposes, and it had been no wonder why he wanted her to speed up with whatever it was she was doing inside. But annoyance had progressed to wonder, then worry, then a clawing alarm that urged him to get that door opened at all costs. And with the help of a spare key he did, only to discover her pale, nearly lifeless form sprawled on the floor.

The first few hours of the new year had already passed, and he was now the most restless person inside the hospital. He had to know what was happening to her. He had to. The constant pacing back and forth he had been doing was starting to burn a trail on the shiny spotless floor.

He had been in shock. He wasn't counting to see her list of resolutions lying beside her on his bathroom floor. Even more so, he wasn't even counting on discovering on what he read after its owner was rushed to the hospital.

TACHIBANA HIROMI: New Year's Resolutions

_I will not be bossy anymore. _

_I will be nicer to Takao. _

_I will actually learn the physics of beyblading from Kyouju even if I have to study every file in his laptop. _

_I will get more cooking recipes from Rei. And I will find time to try them out._

_I will make sure Max and Mariam will get together before this coming year ends. _

_I will not gaze at Kai anymore, no matter how attractive he is. _

_I will not pay notice or be concerned every time he seems so vulnerable. _

_I will not tell him how much I care about him this time. _

_I will not feel anything every time his "I wish you take your words back. Making my life more complicated is the most foolish thing you've ever done" echoes in my head. _

_I will forget the media and the rest of the town present during that time. _

_I will burn that entertainment news article balled up in my trashcan._

_I will not let humiliation take over me and my self-confidence. _

_I will continue pretending I'm not affected by the weird looks and stares of pity I receive from my classmates. _

_I will stop counting the number of people in school suddenly coming into the open on how they secretly dislike me from the start for being a teacher's pet now that I'm so down. _

_I will ignore how Kai just left my side after hearing them say their reasons right in my face._

_I will stand up for myself the way I always do before. _

_I will no longer give in to self-depreciation._

_I will stop crying myself to sleep each night._

_I will listen to Takao next time and apologize for not believing how I only would hurt myself for being serious about Kai. _

_I will continue pretending I'm all right now matter how much Takao is catching up in school._

_I will not expect Kai to look in my direction before, during and after practice. _

_I will continue to count on him to shrug off my displays of concern. _

_I will continue cheering for him during beybattles no matter how much his indifference to me is ripping me apart inside. _

_I will not believe that the sudden distance between us has something to do with my confession._

_I will stop hoping that he has a caring side for me. _

_I will no longer think of those times when he saved me. _

_I will not remember the Kai I fell for._

_I will stop crying. _

_I will not think of hitting my pulse with a pencil anymore._

_I will use Kaasan's sleeping pills only when I really couldn't sleep. _

_I will not think of leaving behind my mom, my team, my friends, my school. My life. _

_I will stop crying. _

_I will stop crying._

_I will stop crying._

_I will not write another New Year's resolution list again. There will never be another one ever. _

He balled his hands into tight fists. It wasn't fair! He had no idea how Hiromi was taking this. Why couldn't she just let it out the way he would? Why didn't she tell Max, Rei, Kyouju, anyone? Why!

"They're pumping out the pills from her stomach now."

His head snapped up, earth eyes meeting a set of amber pools, the characteristic sharpness coating it weakened by solemnness. _Pumping out the pills from her stomach now._ He didn't want to burn that image in mind. Just the notion was making him sick already. "Will she be all right, Rei?" It was so still inside the waiting area that even his modulated voice would have sound like he was crying out a battle attack.

The lad all the way from China shook his head. "I'm sorry, Takao. I don't know. The only thing we could do is wait."

_Wait?_ "_Wait?_" On an impulse, he grabbed a handful of white clothing from the other, his hand trembling, voice rising with no more restraint. "We couldn't just _wait_, Rei! How could that thing be the only thing we can do when we weren't even able to prevent this from happening to her! We know nothing about what's going on and yet we call ourselves her friends! She's not supposed to—!"

"Takao."

Never had he heard such sharp authority despite the quietness of voice from the other that it made him hold back. Authority to tell him to stop and calm down. It could have sliced him.

"We don't know anything. She never told us. She wouldn't tell us." His friend's voice was now softer. "And don't shower me this nonsense about not being able to prevent this. You discovered. You stopped her. She's not dead thanks to you. Do you realize the difference you have made?"

Everything had happened so fast that it was too clouded to see. "Rei…"

The brunet nodded, emanating an aura of unusual tiredness from his athletic frame. "I'll leave you alone to regain your calm. If you need me, need us, just wait for us. We'll contact Tachibana-san and get some food on the way." His face was so calm yet the sadness in those feline golden orbs were far from being hidden. "Happy New Year, Takao."

Even when his teammate left, he couldn't say it. He couldn't utter the same words back at the same time. It was far from the truth.

He couldn't fault his friend from wanting food. The latter and his freckled teammate had been cooking nonstop in spirit of the festive eve. The eve where everyone was supposed to be so happy, so excited to celebrate the next three-hundred-plus days to meet. For him, it would usually mean new beybattles, new friends, new foes, new opponents, more tournaments to show off his skill and prowess…

For her, it meant a completely different meaning.

It meant a whole different girl, someone who used to be just as stubborn as he was, as determined and strong-willed as he was, someone he could, after much reluctance and time, admit to be great enough to hold the team together. It meant a girl with such reputation and strength who had the only weakness he knew, apart from her lack of experience in beyblading, overwhelm her with such ferocity. A simple girl who was now treading on the blurred life between life and death in a hospital bed.

And there was only person capable of making that possible.

The green, blue and red fires soared high before exploding into flowers of light but they held no meaning anymore. His eyes could stare but could not absorb. This display announcing the start of another clean year—she was supposed to watch this at his garden. With the team. With him. She was supposed to be alive enough to witness this, even get annoyed with the sudden booming sounds of explosions invading the sky.

_Happy New Year… Hiromi. _

Another set of fireworks danced before him but it was a very much different fire reflected by the glass window in front of him, reflected _by him_. A fire only he could see, the kind with only one burning color. A fire only he could feel.

As quick as he could before anything else out of his control could happen, he rushed over to the nurse nearest to him. "I need a pen," he said abruptly, almost rudely but he didn't care. He couldn't.

If the nurse was taken back, she made no point of showing it and instead just handed over what he sought. A free hand balled into a tight fist, he pulled out a familiar piece of paper, scribbling madly that he nearly couldn't recognize his own handwriting. But he remembered to give back the nurse's pen and thank her before leaving her.

He left to go back and join his companions. For a while he stopped, then stared at what he had written on that paper, the same paper containing his resolutions, the very same paper the girl he had brought here had taken away from him earlier. A swift movement, then it was a crumbled ball in his hand. But it was not meant to be thrown away or be burned.

In the past, he knew he would eventually lost the passion to continue his resolutions. In the past, he had written list after list just for the heck of it. But this year, resolutions were meant to serve their purpose, things that he had to make sure he would see until the end.

_-I will make Kai come back. _

_-I will make him pay._

:_Owari_:

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**Please leave a review, people. Thanks! Happy New Year, everyone!**


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